Legendary Football-Themed Punk Group DEAD SCHEMBECHLERS Release “SCARLET SUBMARINE” Coloring Book
Singer BO BIAFA Calls for Wall to Be Built At Ohio/Michigan Border
The infamous DEAD SCHEMBECHLERS, celebrating 26 years of skewering MICHIGAN WOLVERINE football in favor of their beloved OHIO STATE BUCKEYES, have released their first-ever coloring book, “SCARLET SUBMARINE.”
It tells the story of a pigskin paradise called BUCKEYELAND that is overrun by MAIZE AND BLUE WEENIES led by COACH HAIRBALL. A creature known as THE O-WHERE MAN escapes the catastrophe in the SCARLET SUBMARINE and enlists the band to reclaim his homeland. The story was written and conceived by lead singer BO BIAFRA with graphic blandishment by ALAN MACBAIN. The book is now available for purchase thru the band’s website.
The coloring book will also be available from the band in-person as they return to the stage for THE HATE MICHIGAN RALLY 2016. The show will be held at in Columbus, Ohio at ACE OF CUPS, 2619 North High Street in Columbus, Ohio. Special guest will be BAVA CHOCO. Show time will be 8pm. Further information is available at DeadSchembechlers.com and AceOfCups.com. Tickets are available at TicketFly.com. The group will sign books at the show.
Of SCARLET SUBMARINE, singer BO BIAFRA says“Using a coloring book allows us to speak directly to younger Ohioans and indoctrinate them into the world of Buckeyes football. It also works well with recruiting Michiganites as none of them has achieved a reading level above the 2nd grade.”
Regarding THE HATE MICHIGAN RALLY, BIAFRA adds“It is important for us to perform in this election year. The only real Red State versus Blue State battle that is important is the red of Ohio State versus the blue of Michigan. We believe that the safety of Ohioans is at stake and we urge the building of a wall at our border with those damnable vermin to keep them at bay. Those of Michigan heritage living in Ohio should be forced to take a loyalty oath or be deported. We will bring our message directly to the people in a fury of hatred and music. Then we’ll get really drunk and sign copies of our book.”
The band consists of Biafra on vocals, BO THUNDERS on guitar, BO VICIOUS on bass, and BO SCABIES on drums. They are named for late Michigan coach BO SCHEMBECHLER and take their sartorial cues from late Ohio State coach WOODY HAYES. The group exploded on the Wolverine Hatecore music scene in their hometown of Columbus, Ohio in 1990 with the nineteen-second anthem “I Hate Michigan.” Their HATE MICHIGAN RALLY, held only on the eve of the yearly Ohio State vs. Michigan game, has often degenerated into pitched battles between fans of the Buckeyes and Wolverines. One performance led to the storied HIGH STREET RIOTS OF ’96, where the band battled National Guard units amidst clouds of tear gas and piles of burning couches. The group was then banned for several years from performing within the Columbus, Ohio city limits. They have shocked audiences on HBOESPN, and other media around the world with their blind hatred of all things from Michigan. Last year, they welcomed new Michigan coach JIM HARBAUGH to the fray with a song entitled “HARBAUGH TO HELL.”
DEAD SCHEMBECHLERS believe that most everything bad on Earth is the work of what they refer to as THE INTERNATIONAL WOLVERINE CONSPIRACY. At its center is a cadre of University of Michigan graduates bent upon world domination and set up of THE NEW WOLVERINE ORDER. The band believes this group is headed by political firebrand ANN COULTER, a graduate of the University of Michigan Law School, and includes numerous other famous Michigan alumni. They contend this conspiracy is responsible for the Kennedy Assassination, Global Warming, and the god-awful holiday music of MANNHEIM STEAMROLLER. They point out that PRESIDENT OBAMA named his dog “Bo” as a pledge of allegiance to the despicable forces from Ann Arbor.
The group hints that this might be the final chance to see them live. “We’ve been doing this a long time,” said BO BIAFRA. “The pressure against us has only increased during the years and I simply don’t know if we can do it any longer. For now though, we are ready to take the battle back to the streets against Michigan. Woody Be Praised!”
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Photo by Rob Fortenberry