Yesterday the guy who brought us lovely jingles such as “Yo-Da-Lin in the Valley” and “Wax the Booty” hinted at a run for Michigan Senate in 2018. His name is Kiiiiiiiiiid Rock and it appears the GOP DOES want a Kid Rock poster.
He doesn’t have any political experience but he has been quoted by Fox News for his political beliefs and he recently visited the White House with Sarah Palin and Ted Nugent, so that basically makes him qualified . If he were to defeat the incumbent, Debbie Stabenow, he would be the first Republican to hold his dick like a holster in the seat since 1998. Kiiiiiiiiiiiid Rock is a fairly moderate Republican; sitting more right on fiscal and military issues and leaning more toward the middle on social issues and let us not forget name recognition, so he absolutely could really have a shot at this. Which is slightly terrifying yet entertaining.
I can already see Stabenow’s campaign ads (cue the fifth verse of “Yo-Da-Lin in the Valley”…’and the best type of oochie coochie is the type that tastes like sushi‘), ‘His name is Kiiiiiiiiid Rock and he has something to say there’s only one type of bitch and that’s a hoe. This is what Kiiiiiiiiid Rock thinks of women. Do you want your daughters getting their booty’s co-waxed by this type of pimp? This message is endorsed by Stabenow 2018.”
Alright, alright to be fair Kiiiiiiiid Rock has cleaned up his ‘musical act’ in the last 20 years or so and become sort of an American icon by blurring the line between rock, rap(pish), and country music and bringing old and young people together to celebrate really cheesy music (I’m sorry, it’s true, Kiiiiiiid Rock was much better when he was Kid Rock, Pimp of the Nation), while wearing their favorite NASCAR jacket, drinking a Budweiser, in the trailer park, and pregnant by their sister’s ex-husband.
Michiganders love Kiiiiiiid Rock so he very well may be Senator Kiiiiiiid Rock next year. And you know, I may not a fan of his music and the entertainer turned politician fad is getting really old, the guy really fucking loves America, he loves Michigan, and he takes damn good care of the veterans, and people in his community, so for that I will give him kudos and he has my respect. He puts his money where his mouth is and that puts him at a higher level of decency than most of these so called entertainer turned politicians, no people. So while I may not support him as a candidate (or maybe I will, who knows), he has more going for him than most politicians; he has a level of decency and heart that many of them lack.
So the upcoming election cycle in Michigan may be interesting or entertaining if true (which he has said it is). Kiiiiiiid Rock 2018 is probably real; you heard it here like 10th, but whatever, you heard it.
P.S. Debbie, if you use my idea for a smear campaign without giving me credit, I will totally give you the stink eye.
Written by April Baggins for Bloodrock Media on July 13, 2017